In the future I will consider them as people I once knew ...

Friends, mates, muckers, pals, buddies, acquaintances, people I once knew (or just saw a lot in job/s, in my hood, just bumped into a lot going about the week's routine).  What constitutes a friend?  Lately I have been wondering if I should be more discerning, the old quality over quantity thing AND CULL?

However some 'friends' bombard me with those emails reminding me of the value of friendship.  The image below is not an excerpt from any of those rather it illustrations the fact that I currently find myself on the horns of a dilemma. 

Being in a new city, job etc it has been felt necessary over the past few years to 'make [new] friends'.  It is part of the requirement, how could I possibly do without them.  I still try to maintain my old friendships through emails, postcards, birthday/Christmas cards the odd Skype call but it does feel a little one-sided on occasion.  Is it the responsibility of the person who has left the routine, the safe circle of friendship, to keep these fires burning?  I guess it is only natural to keep up close contact so soon after leaving and before a new life and routine is established but I am not sure why the compulsion is so strong.  Also so many so called experts on quality longevity go on and on about the importance of human relationships and indeed the value of  making continuous connections.  But at the moment I am just not feeling it, in fact it has been a long time coming but for many and various reasons I am emotionally disengaging.  In a nutshell many of my so called 'mates' are just pissing me off.

I guess it all goes back to ego and the perceived need to be liked and so by extension have to prove it by having such a large number of friends - along a sliding scale of importance of course - yes it goes back to the ego and the dynamics of the primary school playground.   I see so much evidence around me especially in the new social media sphere.  We are no longer content to have 2-10 good pals that we variously go out with or call, write to etc.  Now we must have literally hundreds least we be classified as a 'loser'.  A terrible Americanism but the sentiment is universal.  I must have strong ego, although I am unaware of a way to measure it, but reflecting upon it, it is like having a gang when you are very young.  It validates you and I am not sure how that starts.  But however it started, I should by now have grown up, got over it and ceased to need the gush of (often disingenuous and insincere) 'mates' to make me feel like an OK person.  And do I really care anyway?  That is the tough call. 
I was out tonight with a mate, Tonya, whilst we were walking to our place of chosen entertainment, I heard a busker say very clearly (perhaps not to me directly but nonetheless it struck a cord) "...the power of attraction, you attract like to like..."  I have to say in that moment I knew that I didn't really want to be spending time with Tonya, I just felt obliged and we have one thing in common, so she is the mate that shares my enjoyment of comedy shows.  Is it just that I am using her, do I really enjoy her company.  Do I just see her to add her to my list of 'mates' to enjoy the gossipy, soap opera nature of her life dramas?  I accuse himself of being a voyeur the way he pours over Facebook, but although I am doing it in 'real-time', does it amount to the same thing/vice?

I feel a list coming on:

Tonya - self-obsessed, greedy, drama queen, eats like a pig, materialistic, selfish, a generous entertainer

Lisa - marter, talks up her past careers and lifestyle  - been there, done that , got the T-shirt, hypocondriac, good strategic networker, dynamic an amazing survivor but an A1 bullshitter - which insults her mate's intelligence

Sharon - selfish, good fun, childish, superior, emotionally stunted by family circumstances (a great case for a psycho-analysist), catholic ingrained guilt, kind to strangers and those in need, could be a great leader, emotionally needy, makes my dependence on red wine seem like I am just not trying.

Mary - it really is all about her, her, her - but I think she is 'mindful' of that and tries to do better but just can't fight who she really is.  Good person but has the 'Marilyn Monroe' complex, just has to be desired and put on a pedestal at all times otherwise life is perceived as bearly worth living.  A material girl but also extremely capable, warm and generous/matenal person, good company - as long as you mostly talk about HER and she is showered with accolades.

If that busker was right, I am in real trouble!

I love them really......