What a North & Souff....

blimey what I mouth I've got.....

I started typing this post after an incident that I clearly felt guilty/OTT about even for me but for the life of me I have no idea what that was.  Probably just the usual drunken opinionated bollocks that I talk.  Still someone has to have an opinion otherwise when out with friends, people would just stare out into the middle distance like old married couples.  Damn it is just like real life - pass me another glass of red as life is just TOO bloody short.

...change your dirty ways ....

Or Project - Me Me Me (did I say me?)

Bugger it, I have had a gut full of making other people happy and life, although full of stuff that should satisfy the average person in the Western world, just isn't.  It is time to give myself another challenge.  Just back from the gym and whilst there I decided to do my best to drop 5 kg by Christmas.  So here is my mid-August pledge:

Get me!  I saw a great photo on someone else's blog a while ago of a girl running and it read, "you are losing weight with every step", well I typed that into G images and on the first page this picture came up.  I heartily agree with the sentiment and had a quick browse of the blog it featured on.  It transpires that a very attractive, seemingly slender, 21 year old girl is obsessed with not indulging, she is lacking self-esteem and is no doubt she is under immense pressure (or that is her perception) to look like the photo shopped girls in the glossy mags.  Now I am more than double her age and like to think that I am not effected by the commercially driven tosh in the media and no longer buy magazines of this type, but of course I do want to be in control of myself again and this is not tied up with trying to compete in the sexual Olympics - which was certainly the hormone driven case from the age of 12-29.  It would have gone on further and would no doubt still be the case but I have been in a long term relationship since 29 and for many years didn't even look at other blokes (and rarely do now) and so the motivation about all related issues has fundamentally altered.  Contentment can make you fat and lazy, is that so bad? 

However you can take this too far and as late middle-age approaches, I find myself being bored by the debauched lifestyle I used to absolutely love.   Stop press - oh no, it happened again, just back from a birthday of a very good friend and it was supposed to be fun but it was just short of the mark.  I am clearly going through a transition stage and N called it, it was just a farce and bullshit - his perception but he is not used to having to please everyone and I am a master at at least attempting it.  His essential issue does speak volumes for him though.

Can I break the habit [training] of a life time?

Did enjoy being told I looked good tonight (by my friend) and this does give me a buzz, is this my new drug? 

Just discovered a running tips site and here are a few superlatives, for running and life in general!

Create your own running creed

• You must listen to your body. Run through annoyance, but not through pain
• My whole teaching in one sentence is: "Run slowly, run daily, drink moderately, and don't eat like a pig.
• I believe in using races as motivators. It's hard to keep on an exercise program if you don't have a significant goal in sight.
• Build with care - If you put down a good solid foundation, you can then build one room after another and pretty soon you have a house. After your base mileage, add hills, pace work, speed work, and finally race strategy.
• Your body is always trying to tell you where you are. Beware when you become tired and listless, when you lose interest in workouts and approach them as a chore rather than a pleasure - so just beware!
• Divide and conquer - Pick one thing each year that you need to improve, and work on that. It might be improving your diet, getting more sleep, or increasing your mileage. You can't work on everything at once
• Get over it - If you have a bad workout or run a bad race, allow yourself exactly 1 hour to stew about it--then move on

PUT THE TIGER IN THE CAT

Lasciviousness - isn't all it is cracked up to be...

Lascivious = this word conjures up images of a Roman 'Bacchanalian' orgy. 

Dictionary definition =

Adj.

1.

lascivious - driven by lust; preoccupied with or exhibiting lustful desires; "libidinous orgies" feeling morbid sexual desire or a propensity to lewdness

Well that is the keyword to describe the weekend I have just had (and not in a good way!)  The picture above pretty much sums it up but I am not sure if it depicts me - and my reaction - or my lascivious companion for the trip?

On paper it should have been so enjoyable - a couple of mates away for a mini-break, a sports car (I have just realised it could have been a T&L situation) a girly location (i.e. a spa town) money in our pockets, nice countryside, comfortable accommodations (i.e. two bedrooms and two bathrooms).  It should all add up to bliss.  But instead of this, it was more like this and --> on reflection, I realise that I am Jack Lemmon/Tony Randell and not Walter Matthau/Jack Klugman.  But of course from my prospective I am the superior being.  Well that is harsh, we just don't have enough in common to sustain a weekend together and this is the first time we have done it and I have realised it with such brute a forcini.  Perhaps she couldn't wait to get rid of me too, because I had been a boring, judgemental, stick-in-the-mud but I even wonder if she even has that much sensitivity?  When she kept suggesting other outings and locations for our next weekend away, I found myself mentally sticking a fork in my leg and kept on smiling (whilst being non-committal - see I am learning from my time spent with men!)

The timing of this weekend away was all about her, her long term lover was leaving for a very special holiday with his wife and so she wanted to fill her time and not be alone in her apartment - although whilst we were away he was in mid-air, perhaps business class but nonetheless going long-haul in a confided space, squirming in his seat, feeling pressure to converse with his partner and downing food & drink to alleviate the boredom, then we would have had to endure the inevitable indigestion and flatulence - not that dissimilar from my experience with his mistress!

Yet again it makes me think that I should have a long rest from, or at least a cut back on, time spent with people that although I like, I accommodate much more than they ever seek to accommodate me!  I felt uncomfortable by a neediness, an eagerness to please and yet total selfishness (that combination seems improbable but it actually happened) and I found myself being not only incredibly annoyed but more than that, palpably bored.  Although I felt bad, I was equally repulsed.  I am using very emotional and dramatic vocab but from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon, that feeling just intensified with every moment that passed! 

An expensive and tedious trip.  Not even the indulgence in food and drink did what it ordinarily does - it didn't really dull my senses! I can't explain my violent reaction except that my companion talked endlessly about the woes in her life, the fact that she was overweight - like it was an unfair affliction visited upon her, but the lust for Krispy Kremes didn't count - that coloured everything in her life. She mused upon this whilst eating extremely fast, her mouth open, slightly slathering.  Then after a hefty brunch or dinner, would take many minutes to contemplate - pouring over the menu and eyeing other diner's sweet treats - the first (and then second) dessert of the day whilst musing on diets ARRRRGH.

Some clever person once said you always hate the thing you are, my hedonistic mate gorged herself but declared she was never really happy with her fare, found a reason to complain about everything from the drive to the accommodation to the service to the food etc.  On the one hand her attitude is at times extreme and on a par with the most precious Diva but no doubt I see, and don't like, our similar love of greed and measure my own behaviour against it and found myself wanting.  God knows I have my vices but faced with this endless conflicting rap - I really strive to acknowledge my hypocrisy and the fact that us women are a mass of contradictions.  I did listen attentively and attempted to be supportive.  I am not sure I succeeded but I genuinely hope I did and at least one of us enjoyed the weekend.

Despite the food, drink, laziness, pleasant walks (!) chats and mooches around arts & crafts shops etcetc, it didn't work for me.  It was a bit like my New York experience.  I want to go back but just not with the same person.  Chalk n cheese works in small does BUT....