I have found DOG...

I was walking the mutt today and I mused (as I have many, many, times) over the interesting co-incidence that GOD spelt backwards is DOG.  Then of course I am reminded of the silly hysteria of a certain section of Western society that thought there were many satanic messages recorded backwards in the records that appealed to their young'uns in the 60's and 70's.  CAT backwards is nothing terribly profound, TAC - unless of course there is an all seeing eye out there called TAC and only felines are in the know (the chosen creatures), which would explain a lot.

Anyway, the cat that rules this roost is still the alpha female but I have been troubled this week by many more of this breed, the human kind and as a result, I am appreciating time spent with the TW, all the more.  Not that I am claiming that spending this quality time with the mutt is a particularly spiritual experience but it is allowing me time and space to reflect on all manner of stuff, during  our many long walks.  The pooch is not all that demonstrative and I think both of us are still in the 'getting to know you' stage but she is the least problematic female company I have at the moment.

At work I was a little cornered (but at least I had warning this time) by one into being her assistant - on top of what I already do for her and to the exclusion of the other aspects of my current role.  To be her assistant would be stressful, with no extra money or learning opportunities - I told her to forget it but in a very diplomatic way and I even used a white-lie to emphasise the point and I think she went away thinking a little more of me than before - but only time will tell.  There is no way I would be her assistant, she is a controlling, perfectionist, workaholic.  However the upside is that she is dynamic and I always know where we stand with each other!

Then on the pleasure (......) side, my drinking budding Sonya.  I have been reflecting on what it is that exactly constitutes our friendship.  What was previously a fun and supportive friendship has soured into me being a unpaid, and recently unappreciated, counsellor but it is one-way traffic and although she can be good company and we have had some good times, she is just going through one self-induced drama after another.  She is also so raw and revealing that I don't think I am helping and what she needs is a professional and of course this is always fuelled by booze.  We give each other an excuse to over indulge but more often than not now, our nights end in tears and the laughter seems a distant memory.  Now I know that friendships, like a marriage, are supposed to be there for the good and bad times but each relationship has its limits and I think we have reached our individual one.  My horoscope in the paper was very apposite today:

"This is an effective month for Clan Virgo with Mars in your sign busy ticking off the to-do list.  While relationships change, rearrange, and emerge shredded or strengthened, take a firm stand but be kind.  Postpone deep and meaningfuls until next week, when you're more likely to be heard."

I am also currently toying again with taking the pledge.  A broken record I know and I am imbibing even as I type but in the same way I have given up other substances in the past, I do feel like the fun has gone out of this passion too.  A light extinguished, a realisation that I have been sold yet another pup.

However, because I know myself well, I am trying to think of a suitable substitute to focus on instead of my current habit of using drink and then food, as entertainment.  I keep remembering the sign I read in an Amsterdam coffee shop years ago about cannabis use - smoke because you love it, not because your bored.  It struck a cord at the time as it was probably one of the later Dam visits and I knew deep down that that poster was aimed squarely at people like me.  So the gloss is coming off of my boozing - like the other big ticket items in my experience, they are proving to be ultimately very unsatisfying, malnourishing and on analysis, much more trouble than they are worth - but there must be something else to believe in ...