Let's talk about ...

... I can't complete that song title as someone typing in that 3-letter word would no doubt be extremely disappointed by the search result should they be tempted to click on this page, particularly as I plan to unburden myself about my feelings earlier today and I wouldn't want to burst any young person's bubble, either if they are in the first flushes of lust with a partner or worst still, yearning for an adult life they expect will be theirs at some point (surely) based on the evidence of their immediate surroundings but mostly because of the brainwashing by society - the media.  I particularly loved music growing up, I also love to sing and so was especially attracted to female singers from Suzi Q, the gals in a very famous Swedish outfit to music in the films my mum loved to watch - Doris and certainly, like your average sponge I was searching for clues and picked up a heap of mixed messages in my formative years - mostly 1940's, 50's & 60's American mix of aspiration and social engineering from the telly and British post-Victorian peasant values from my modern nuclear family.

However I think the musical touchstones in my 'yearning days' were of their (my) time,  Amoureuse by Kiki (74) and Seventeen by Janis (75) as I was fast approaching puberty.  I wonder if I would have the same attitude to this subject if I hadn't been so profoundly effected by these songs at such a tender age?  I remember the first time I heard Amoureuse, we lived in a small block of flats and I heard it coming from an open window in the block opposite, the net curtain was blowing in the breeze and it was played a few times in a row and loud enough for me to make out the words.  I wondered if the girl has just broken up with her boyfriend or just - yearniing - I know for the first time I was.  A strong memory, within a year, was on a hot summer's day when my family were at the beach and they were driving my crazy (as usual) and I wanted to be alone. I managed to get permission to go home alone, it wasn't far, because I wanted to play my new record and fantasize about being older and in control of my life - I played Summer Love Sensation over and over again and wondered when I would get to be a bleach blond surf bum's girl, like the ones I saw frolicing (without their parents) at every beach we went to.  The members of the band singing were almost the exact physical opposites but at the time I didn't see the irony or care - it held great promise that song and I couldn't wait!!!


In fact that word has always struck me as extremely powerful, so small a container for such huge and mixed emotions.  Out of interest I typed it into Google images to see what might come up, surprise surprise it is mainly represented by illustrations of naked women, realistic and abstract - a reward for any stray reader who was expecting a little flesh!  The definition is equally strong but mixed:

Have an intense feeling of loss or lack and longing for something. A persistent, often wistful or melancholy desire; a longing. Be filled with compassion or warm feeling.  Is yearning the same as passion (I dare not type that word into Google images!!!)

Everyone talks about passion in terms of what drives them, I have noted mostly in connexion with food related businesses.  I can't honestly say I feel it towards anything - I feel as though my life has a low libido.  I feel another definition coming on, just to be sure:  the psychic energy or instinctual drive associated with sexual desire, pleasure, or creativity.; (in psychoanalysis) the instinctual drives of the id; and lustful desire or striving.  Yeah - I was pretty much right!

When looking at the Y word images, I came across Maslow's famous diagram, but when I clicked on the picture to remind myself of the actual words, it was part of a site called Work the System and his post was titled 'The Yearning', this is the crux for me:

Everyone yearns for something better yet very few follow a focused plan to get there. Truth is, the majority of people just ride along and take what comes, hoping for the best. They forgo methodical efforts to create a better life and instead, fritter away their inner passion with immediate-gratification diversions.

Of course I already know that this frustration is the root cause of my lack of self-esteem, over indulging and so not being the best that I can be.  I heard something else profound fairly recently when went along the lines of - gain satisfaction from what you do or achieve and not merely from what you put in your mouth.  I paraphrase but it is the same as the other guy's rap.  I keep getting sent such messages, an esoteric acquaintance of mine would say it was the Universe sending me help.  Perhaps she is right.

Of course the above conluding message had to be in pink!!! This is not the missive I set out to write but then they rarely are.  To bed as - to quote Scarlet "... tomorrow is another day!"