Minutes suspended in Years

I heard this phrase today and thought it very insightful, it is the name of the new Alison Moyet album and it is her philosophy about life the universe and everything.  She is now 52 and refuses to apologise for it.  She is talented and sick of compromising and felt compelled to write her own album of original material in collaboration with the person who also produced it.  She is to be admired. I must check it out when it is released.  This title is a summation of her thoughts about happiness, elusive but on reflection is can be expressed as joyful minutes suspended in years.  It maybe a 'glass half empty' attitude but perhaps that is just the way the gal from Basildon feels and she is entitled.  Why do we all have to go around pretending life is all 'sunshine and lollipops' like those companies selling us washing powder would have us believe?

On that subject I am not terribly impressed with myself.  Despite my attempts to curb my self-indulgence, I only lasted until Friday night and I was feeling pretty good about it all but really fancied drinks with my mates but alas drank too much, expressed my opinions - no doubt way too forcefully (probably not only bordering but entering obnoxious territory) but maybe I too had thoughts and feelings to get off my chest (no matter how unpalitable) and wanted to talk about them and not just be a sounding board for other everyone else's dramas.  After all, isn't that what friends are for?  

 

However I recall my horoscope from last week and it did mention that there would be a sudden change in a close relationship.  Well that person may actually be Sonya and I am not entirely sure that I would blame her as I think everything is forgivable in a friend except insulting their immediate family - of course they can bitch and moan about them until the cow's come home but they are off-limits when it comes to anyone else pointing out their deficiencies and I think in this particular relationship, Sonya is allowed to be a strong and challenging personality with many and various proclivities but I guess I am not and so that is a deal-breaker.  Perhaps the timing is right anyhow.

The only actual physical fight I have ever had was when I was coming up for 13 and I was an opinionated loud-mouth (so much for the maturity and getting of wisdom theory....) I was overheard commenting to some school acquaintence that the mum of a a girl on my estate that I was getting fairly friendly with had huge boobs - oh the irony!  Anyhow, said girl somehow overheard or had it reported back and she took great exception to this comment, even though it was true, It was of course childish and rude to point it out.  So she called me out but had her champion be the one to challenge me to the fight.  I can't remember all the ins & outs at this distance but I remember negotiating with both her and her mate (a feisty little black gal who was looking for any excuse to hit someone and was very indignant about someone taking the piss out of her mate's mum's endowments) and so there was no getting out of it.  I had other unknown older girls coming to find me throughout the day, they assessed me with one look and then told me through sucked teeth that I would "be mashed up" they were right!  And so I recall there was no getting out of it and in the playground I was surrounded and the girl heralded in like Apollo Creed (but I was no Rocky with a south-paw) just a mouthy, frightened little lilywhite arsed new girl who had to be corrected.  There was hair pulling and a perhaps a few swipes but it was pulled apart fairly promptly and only sustained the odd scratch and bruise but emotionally it was one of the lowest moments of my school life (well life).  I vaguely remember waiting to be picked up from the school management office, by my dad and brother and I was probably snivelling the entire time - I think I was in shock.  I am still that pathetic excuse today.  I have learned NOTHING.  I think I am IT but I am SHIT (a note I once found in my locker at that same school although whether it was before or after the skuffle is no longer remembered).  They were right at that school all along.  I am at a loss as to what to do about my nature.  The only thing I can do is extricate myself for a while and just really think about life, the Universe and everything.  Recalling the fight I realise in a flash that I haven't changed one bit neither have I learned a damn thing in all the intervening years.   Talk about a coward - but why?  I have a bit of intelligence, why am I like this?