A shot across the bow - REALLY

Meaning - a warning shot, either real or metaphorical

Well I guess maturity just doesn't come into this equation.  Love is a battlefield and other cliches.  I have a mate with a complicated love life.  She was having a relationship but now it has morphed into a 'friend with benefits' situation.  Now this may have been exactly what he wanted and it took a long time to get to this situation and for a while he kept her at arms length and then he broke up with her.  It was a booze fuelled, emotional parting of the ways.

She then went through the painful, ego-bruised, howling at the moon stage followed by the forensic stage but then he started to text her again.  I am not a fan of the 'text relationship' far too much room for mis-communication and mis-interpretation of meaning and the ever shifting  rules of the dating game.

Now during their 'relationship' stage, like many couples, they slowly get involved with each others friendship circles.  I presume this is natural progression, making their coupledom public - it is a form of commitment but also this means that my mate was seeking the bonus validation of her friend's tick-in-the-box approval, yes he is good company, yes he is attractive, yes he is generous .....  "oh really, he has an amazing job and is well paid too!" ad nauseum. It all starts to become not a statement of "not only I am really happy with this potential relationship but for me to be REALLY happy, you need to also be envious".  Now I understood that way of thinking when I was at high school, nearly all the gals I knew who were trying their hand at the boyfriend thing wanted this validation, but I am surprised that for some, this thirst doesn't diminish with age and experience. I have wondered that if I was in my mate's shoes - would I be doing and feeling the same thing.  Frankly I am not so sure I would.  When does this behaviour go over some line and become too needy.  I do have my theories about why their relationship phase soured but you never really know what goes on away from an audience and of course you only usually get one-side of the story, your friend's and so you mostly give them the benefit of any doubt. 

So fast-forward to now, recently the FWB is being re-introduced to the 'mate scene' and although I am worried about the implications for my mate and wonder if she is making a mistake and rushing a potential strategy to turn him into boyfriend again - it was good to see him again and clearly my mate wanted her friends to re-connect as she considered it the right time to test the waters again. 

Well although he is a 'people pleaser' and fancies himself as a bit of a Playboy, I think he was genuinely pleased to see me again and perhaps relieved that despite all the stories I was bound to have heard about the split and the lead up to it.... I wasn't giving him a hard time (well they are both well over the age of consent afterall!)  So the booze-soaked evening continued to be fun but I was playing catch up and then he crossed a little line and got a bit carried away with telling me how much he missed me etcetc.  Now whilst I don't buy into his hyperbole, it is nice to hear a bit of flattery and our exchange (body language) was well and truly "clocked" from there on in. 

Next chapter and I spent time with my friend again a few days ago and once she was tipsy and we were alone, she concocted a little scenario about her "man" bonding with another friend of ours but I was in no doubt that she was ...... shooting across my bow.  It is an interesting technique for getting your point over whilst not entirely confronting the supposed perpetrator!  She continued using phrases like unacceptable behaviour and how seeing her man bonding with others hurt her feelings and a whole lot of other stuff. 

My take on this is, well he is not your boyfriend, she will not change him and she started up with him again no doubt hoping that she could win him over with her feminine charms.  Well I hope for her sake she does but getting involved with him again and giving him all the power may not pan out the way she wants.  He is fair game, safe to flirt with as he is NOT her boyfriend but a 'friend with benefits' but clearly she expects her friends to treat him as her partner because that is what she wants and we must be 101% loyal. 

I am not so sure that is the best strategy - if she is not happy about her friends being playful with him then I don't know if she will be able to deal with potential trouble ahead, let's just say if she finds out he is not being 'exclusive'!

All I can do is hope she will be OK with their next stage.  I sincerely hope that he is that into her.