It has been over a year since my last post. It has been a year of considerable ups and downs. But as I type I am three glasses into my beloved tranquilizer, namely cheap red wine. I listened to an amazing podcast today, Brooke Castillo from the Life Coach School - check it out. She said I am 100% in control of what I think and therefore go on to feel. I am able to conquer anything and be invincible as I am in charge of my thoughts so in order to cease all self-sabotage, just do the work.
To lose weight, 1) be kind to yourself at all times 2) only eat when hungry 3) eat 2:2. This apparently means determine over a fixed time period - say a week - on a scale of 1 to 10 when you are (1) hungry or (10) stuffed and 5 being neutral. Try to figure out what what takes you from -2 to + 2. She gave her mun's example of 6 almonds. So just that relatively small yet significant amount of food - mouth feel & taste, chewing & processing and digesting, keeping you happy for a while. It reminded me a bit like when I used to smoke [and I was a lot slimmer: just saying!] that it takes the edge off and you can carry on with whatever is occurring and you are not obsessed with eating for a while. Staving off hunger as the adage goes. 4) only eat foods that serve you. However if you fall for the charms of recreational food/drink or whatever does now or has previously done it for you, soothed you - go back to 1) and just be kind and start again. She guarantees it will work and I can see how it would.
So I am still around 84 kilos (I have not weighed myself for ages but although I do stacks of dog walking and have recently started to swim again 3/4 times a week) as we all know exercise if fine but the amount of calories you consume if the main indicator of optimum health - and waist measurement! I would imagine that is currently around 38". I am still a size 16 but on a really good day there is a fair bit of space between my waistband and me - well I finger gap at least. However I am really now declaring war on the health health health pushers. I am sick of being made to feel guilty if I don't snort kale daily and knit my own [ken-wah sic] and sprouted pomegranate aril,hulled hemp seed lined tank top. I don't believe it is all 'snake oil' but there is a not of band-wagoning going. McDonalds will be offering 'zoodles' topped with a vegan & raw dressing before 2015 is over - just wait and see!
So on Sunday 14th June, almost exactly the middle of the year, I am pledging to REALLY take control as per the above recipe and tackle my bad habits and calorie consumption. I know that I am can be really 'healthy' at breakfast (currently a banana x 2, blueberry, water & almond milk, water, chia, maca & cacao smoothie - consumed whilst doing the first dog walk of the day). It is delicious, almost fat free and that is all my fruit and a fair whack of protein early in the day. Then I swim and come home to (organic and free range) frittata - that also contains at least 3 or 4 types of vegetable - with good bread toasted with avocado as the spread. Delicious and very satisfying. So that is my good carbs & more protein. I am sated until late on and start to think about dinner around 8pm, We generally eat around 9(ish) and 9/10 times it is a veggie offering. I occasionally include some salmon or tuna. Himself gets the odd bit of meat as he really likes it, however luckily he is very much into monster salads these days so they feature highly with a variety of naughty cheese, feta & haloumi mostly, pine nuts and a ton of salad veggies. Raw nuts and/or natural yogurt and homemade (read whatever is reduced) poached seasonal fruit follows. Occasionally we will have a little bit of 70% chocolate to end the day. All blissful and washed down with soda water and diet lime for me and blackcurrent squash for him.
So so far, so good and balanced. However add red wine into the mix and I can down a bottle very quickly it also rouses the carb cravings. the Craken awakes - well the Munchies Monster. It is not as ravenous as the old Weed munchie monster but he still huffs, & puffs (hehe) and only a hefty amount of bread and cheese will satisfy him. Not sure why I have made munchie monster a man, but I must stop over analyzing my demons!
So without that luscious fermented red juice, MM doesn't make an appearance. So tonight I have decided that my current tipple (Wolf Blass Red Label 2014 Cabernet Merlot) will be my last for a spell.
I know I will miss it. I know we have had a lot of fun together but it is time to grow up and leave my soothers behind. It is now 11.15pm. The MM has made me eat (mindlessly - yes not every act is MINDFUL) an entire pack of cheese flavoured rice crackers (rest assured no actual cheese was harmed in this incident!) I have a third of a bottle left and I have mixed emotions. I want to leave her but I am enjoying her and already missing her before she has even gone. Interesting, the MM is male but the soother is female - paging Dr Freud!
So the sacred moment is identifying the craving. Acknowledging what emotion is coming up, name it and deal with it. Apparently this is the time when you decide if you are going to indulge or resist. So I am going to try to defy Wilde. I can resist anything except temptation. Well for a while at least let's see what happens if I replace the soother for running. He do dares wins!
Is it futile? Is it entirely possible? All I do know is that I do need something to change. x
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