Dry July (it could be a very long month)

Well it is 4th July - Happy Independence day to America

It is also 4 day of 31 during which time I will try to attempt ......

I was just flicking through my marketing and internet sales email address and came across this article in the Mindfood magazine newsletter, under the title of Wellbeing.... so I clicked onto it in the hope it would give me some great support.   And I quote -

5 reasons to get behind Dry July

Contemplating whether to sign up to Dry July this month?  Here are five reasons why you should:

1.  Dry July is a month dedicated to giving up alcohol, in order to raise money towards creating better environments and support networks for adult cancer patients and their families.

My pledge/progress: charity in July so far - $5 in the Guide Dog training for the blind, $5 for a Big-Issue – Target charity payments, minimum $100 by end of July.

As tough a challenge as it may sound to some, giving up alcohol has a number of health and lifestyle benefits. Below, we’ve listed our top five reasons for getting behind Dry July this year:

2. The health benefits

The most obvious reason for giving up alcohol is of course, the benefits to your health; alcohol, among other things, is a toxin, digested immediately by the liver. Excessive alcohol consumption has also long been linked to numerous long-term health problems, like heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, liver disease, and even cancer. Not to mention it is a drug, and, like others, poses strong addictive qualities that can affect your life quality. 

My pledge/progress: so far so good, including a trip to the pub last night, stuck to soda water & lime cordial. But I did have squid & chips for dinner and a few squares of dark chocolate when I got home... must try harder not to compensate.  Also on the next grocery shopping trip, start to really focus on 'clean' food and whilst I cannot bear to waste anything (no pun intended) I will feel compelled to use up any 'bad' foods in the house but not replace them.  Also, I want to start really researching 'raw' food and start to contemplate a regime for reducing sugar.

3. The benefits to your waistline

The body has no storage capacity for alcohol like it does for carbohydrates and fats, so it must be digested and processed immediately by the liver. Because it is a poison, the body must metabolise it as quickly as possible. While your liver is metabolising the glass of wine you’ve just consumed, it is unable to process any fats, carbohydrates or protein. As a direct result of this, alcohol consumption can also lead to a false sense of hunger, and your body will crave fatty foods, to soak up the booze. All these factors ultimately lead to weight gain. Giving it up for a month is a surefire way to shed a few quick kilos.

My pledge/progress: Plan to go the gym 3 times this week and take longwalks in between - goal - lose at least 2 (hopefully 3) kilos this month.  At last measure I was 79.5k

4.  The beauty benefits

Waking up and facing the mirror after big night, is not often a pretty sight. You will likely appear tired, puffy-faced, and be sporting some dark bags under your eyes. Regular drinking is one of the fastest ways to age your skin, so giving your pores and peepers a breather for 31 days is the best facial you could invest in.

My pledge/progress: Concentrate on my cleansing routine, research and purchase a good serum from the money I save from buying plonk.  I have another facial booked for an end-of-month treat. 

5..The benefits to your wallet

The average person will spend $40 a week on booze, and that’s not taking into account, the price of transport and cab fares to get home safely after a night out, and the food that often goes hand-in-hand with that beer or glass of wine. Cutting out alcohol for a month will probably save you around $200 – money you can spend on something you wouldn’t normally indulge in.
My pledge/progress: a quick calculation - when I drink in the pub I probably spend on average $35 per night on booze.  Then have on average 3 bottles per week so another $40.  Now I don't drink out in pubs every week any more but I certainly used to, so I will realise a potential saving of $300 this month if I have NO BOOZE.  Use that additional income to put towards charity donations and to finance my facial/massage ($99) - looking forward to that..!

Battle of wills

My pledge/progress: really try hard to not booze for the duration of July.  I managed Feb Fast this year and I did say I would also try to get through Dry July and Sober October but if I am completely honest with myself, I am secretly already planning to have a bottle on Saturday night if himself goes away for the weekend and I can have a little binge treat whilst watching a few of my favourite DVDs.  Very poor.

The Secret is .......

I have just finished reading probably the best novel I have ever read.  It took me quite a while as I only read in bed and usually my eyes are only capable of only reading 3/4 pages but last night as it came to a gripping conclusion, I read for over an hour.  I also did not see the awful truth coming about the letter recipiant, Franklin and at the point I realised, my heart sank and I really felt upset.  A very powerful story, outstanding writing and it the captures the experience my generation.  The girl called Lionel.

However half way through the book, I read a few paragraphs that really startled me and hit a nerve.  I had to go back and read it several times - a bit like a hair-shirt.  It helped me crystalise my own thoughts about modern life that I could never artculate in such a concise way.  I have put it these paragraphs here just to remind me of not only these thought-provoking sentances and the nub of the arguement (which I agree with wholeheartedly) but also to remind me to read more of her work.
                                                  ___________________

Page 172

In the end, that's what Kevin has never forgiven us.  He may not resent that we tied to impose a curtain between himself and the adult terrors lucking behind it.  But he does powerfully resent that we led him down the garden path – that we enticed him with the prospect of the exotic.

(Hadn’t I myself nourished the fantasy that I would eventually land in a country that was somewhere else?) When we shrouded our grown-up mysteries for which Kevin was too young, we implicitly promised him that when the time came, the curtain would pull back to reveal – what?  Like the ambiguous emotional university that I imagined awaited me on the other side of childbirth, it’s doubtful that Kevin had formed a vivid picture of whatever we had withheld from him.  But the one thing he could not have imagined in that we were withholding nothing.  That there was nothing on the other side of our silly rules, nothing.

The truth is, the vanity of protective parents that I cited to the court goes beyond look at us we’re such responsible guardians.  Our prohibitions also bulwark our self-importance.  They fortify the construct that we adults are all initiates.  By conceit, we have earned access to an unwritten Talmud whose soul-shattering content we are sworn to conceal from “innocents” for their own good.  By pandering to this myth of their naïf, we service our own legend.  Presumably we have looked ‘the horror’ in the face, like staring into the naked eye of the sun, blistering into turbulent, corrupted creatures, enigmas even to ourselves.  Gross with revelation, we would turn back the clock if we could, but there is no unknowing of this awful canon, no return to the blissfully insipid world of childhood, no choice but to shoulder this weighty black sagacity, whose finest purpose is to shelter our air-headed midgets from a glimpse of the abyss.  The sacrifice is flatteringly tragic.

The last thing we want to admit is that the forbidden fruit on which we have been gnawing since reaching the magic-age of twenty-one is the same mealy Golden Delicious that we stuff into our children’s lunch boxes.  The last thing we want to admit is that the bickering of the playground perfectly presages the machinations of the boardroom, that our social hierarchies are merely an extension of who got picked first for the kickball team, and that grown-ups still get divided into bullies and fatties and crybabies.  What’s a kid to find out?

Presumably we lord over them an exclusive deed to sex, but the pretense flies so fantastically in the face of fact that it must result from some conspiratorial group amnesia. To this day, some of my most intense sexual memories date back to before I was ten, as I have confided to you under the sheets in better days.  No they, have sex too.  In truth, we are bigger, greedier versions of the same eating, shitting, rutting ruck, hell-bent on disguising from somebody, if only from a three-year-old, that pretty much all we do is eat and shit and rut. The secret is that there is NO secret.  That is what we really wish to keep from our kids, and its suppression is the true collusion of adulthood, the pact we make, the Talmud we protect.

Sure, by the time he was fourteen we had given up on trying to control the videos he watched, the hours he kept, what little he read.  But watching those stupid films and logging onto those stupid websites, swigging that stupid hooch and sucking those stupid butts and fucking those stupid schoolgirls, Kevin must have felt to fiercely cheated.  And on ‘Thursday’ I bet he still felt cheated.
                                                           ___________________

It reminds me of a memory I had.  I was around 6 or 7 and I loved drawing - having progressed from 4 years of colouring-in.  I drew a picture of myself looking like your typical 'princess' and wrote at the bottom, "Me at 21".   The people that surround you and the media from the age of zero lead you to believe anything is possible.  I am starting to realise that this is just not true.

Pay-Day Pinks...

I was sitting in the sauna earlier today and realised that I have actually have my best job ever - it was quite an epiphany - particularly as I am not exactly stimulated the majority of the time, but then ultimately how much does that really matter? Perhaps I should stop trying to get so much from my job, stop moaning and just enjoy the fact that I am so lucky when so many are not.  I will give a bit more to charity this week as it really isn't fair.

I realised that I am having not the pay-day blues but rather the PAY-DAY PINKS 

I have just had some fun looking a Google images under the keyword pink, as you would expect, the great gal singer featured largely (I am not all that au fait with her back catalogue but she strikes me as something different from the run of the mill pretty girl pop singer and the first time I heard Family Portrait, I was struck but how intelligent the lyrics were and what a magnificent voice).

Anyway back to my PINK celebration........ boy, do I fancy a cupcake with pink icing now...!

HAPPY FRIDAY

Over the hump .......

Isn't it glorious, almost as good a feeling as 5.30pm on any given Friday - except every fortnight Friday is the best as it is also payday.  So I am well 'over the hump' - it is currently 4.45pm on a Wednesday of a typical working week and it is payday week to boot. 

Apparently 'hump day' is the day when nothing can go wrong accordingly to the Urban Dictionary.  Well I am not convinced about that but today has been pretty chilled so far.  In at 10.15am, worked until 12noon.  Went to gym, got back at work at 2.30(ish)pm, had lunch and did some more work.  Now doing personal chores whilst thinking about this entry. 

I was pleased with the work-out today, weighed in at 79.50kg, still a fat-lass but it is going down and haven't had any booze since Sunday - not much of a boast but boy, did I fancy a glass of red at the pub last night, resisted though.  I have also decided to make other small in-roads by trying not to have any hot chocolates on the days when I go to the gym.  Again not exactly a tough diet regime but I guess it all helps a bit.

I will also go for a walk for an hour when I get home so I am already look forward to that, just don't want to disappear from work too early!!

When I look at this handsome chap in the picture, two things come to mind - people in my past 'got the hump' pronounced '..ump' which always amused me as I never really understood it - basically upset, got the pip, cheesed-off - but why a hump?

Or on a brighter note, a fantastic experience on holiday when I got on one of these magnificant beasts with himself, getting on the camel and then it standing up was a thrill ride with a difference and it was nice to ride the camel tandem style.  I assume I was at the front but I can't really recall.  I do though recall having a fantastic time and a new found respect for camels - it was a great ride.  The place itself was magical and another standout memory was the sunset the first night we were there.  Photos we took did it no justice but standing there with a glass of red in hand in that extraordinary light was a wonderful feeling.

That reminds me, I must organise our next mini-break.  We had a day off together last Friday and did the hot springs and that was a lovely time too.  Not a payday though, still you can't have it all.....!

JUST ANOTHER MANIC MONDAY (!!!)

On a grey & wet Monday most people are feeling pretty pissed off with having to get out of their warm bed, join the rat race and go to work and I am just feeling indifferent.  I know I have to go to the office and I expect to do a few bits and pieces but really showing up is the only essential thing to do.  I shouldn’t be too complacent as my experience today isn’t completely typical but it is common.   

Anyway I feel I have done my time.  In other jobs I have worked very long hours, had to deal with a lot of stressful situations due to the pressure of workload or just having to deal with very difficult characters (and regularly a combination of both) done loads of colleagues favours and rarely have I been acknowledged, given any credit for the efficiency and effectiveness or sometimes even thanked.  For the most part I have gone over and above the basic job description requirements – but then in many of the jobs I have done, so many of my achievements are difficult to quantify as they are ‘soft skill’ gains.

 

But here I am on Monday 4th June 2012, tucked away from the prying eyes of those that ‘manage’ the organization that I am employed by.  So now I am in a job where I am (like one or two other jobs over my so called career) here on a ‘just in case’ basis.   It used to concern me, I felt like I was treading water and at the extreme, I was very bored, frustrated and in the ‘honey trap’ of a comfortable well paid but mediocre job.   These jobs used to leave me with too much time to think about all the things I really wanted to achieve and as though I was not fulfilling my potential but then the only person encouraging me was me – my internal voices.    The little angel on one shoulder saying “… why are you settling for this, with effort, application and focus you could progress and do a job that is really useful, meaningful, would increase your remuneration, status, power and enjoyment in your working life because you get a lot of your self-esteem from working and being seen to do a great job.  So why are you still in this job when you are capable of achieving so much more”?

The little devil says “… milk it, what have these people done for you, because of passive/aggressive management and a little dust under the carpet sweeping, you have been insulted by being offered this role and nothing else, so keep under the radar, take the money and smile sweetly.  Carry on getting your protected full-time salary and benefits and make your own part-time job by coming in late and where possible going early, take strategic ‘swing the lead’ days and duvet days.  A lot of other people do it so if you don’t you are just a mug.  Keep your trap shut and make the most of it”

So my day today - woke up at 7.45am and got out of bed before ‘himself’, pottered about and made breakfast, including feeding the cat and the local birds.  Kissed ‘himself’ goodbye for the day and left the house around 9.30am and the train was thankfully only half full, so had a comfy ride in.  Pleasant (but chilly) 15 minute walk to work and in by 10.20am.  Did a few emails (an interaction with one report and checked on another report who has an office close by, I could see she wasn’t in) and then left for the gym at 11.20am. 

In the gym and on the first piece of cardio equipment by 11.40am, did the weights, stretching, swim, sauna and shower and was back at work by 2pm.  Heated up my delicious stir-fry of mushroom vegetable & green bean noodle thing, had some nuts and read my 4 or 5 emails that arrived during my absence.  Nothing urgent and only necessitated one interaction with a colleague and not a report.    

So having done my personal admin and bored by 3.15pm so despite the rain, went for a long walk around the shops and did my chores and got a small hot chocolate and came back on PT so avoid the murk.  Back in the office at 4.30pm and luckily saw another report in the corridor, so face clocked.  Result.  Now typing this and listening to my favourite radio show in my cute little office and counting down to payday at the end of the week.

I worry that from a management point of view this cannot be sustainable but that is for them to deal with I guess.  I do have my email alerts on so if anyone did need me or if someone knocked on my door with a request I would give it my full attention but if they don’t then my days of going looking for work have come to an end.  I am an angel occasionally but today they devil has the upper hand….!

So the mantra at the moment is on the days that I have to do the main part of my job I will be front and centre, but on the days that are a little more, let’s say undefined…. I will try to get to the gym at least 3 work days per week as well as get as much fresh air and exercise as can be reasonably be achieved to make the 7.25 hours a day as tolerable as possible.   I have plenty of flab to tackle – this is not a picture of personal flab but mine sure looks similar and want to look more like this within six months. 

To pinch only an inch is my personal KPI, currently I am pinching a yard…

Now there’s a mission statement !!!

OPPS I DID IT AGAIN!!!

This has nothing whatever to do with Britney's classic track.  But today I am sitting here typing with a thumping head which is hyper-tension caused by over indulgence last night at the pub.  I have to REMEMBER that I am a kid in a sweetshop at the public house and stop drinking and grow up.  When I was typing the previous posts about my red wine habit I did feel fairly determined but over the last month or so I have been more and more indulgent and surprise surprise, got more stupid (or stupefied) and fat.  I am still in pain and only a walk outside for 30 mins and a portion of chips .... has made me feel a tiny bit better.   So will I actually bloody stop this time, clearly (and similarly to my attempts to stop smoking in years gone by) cutting down is just not a workable option.  I am hurting and I have to be very careful as my blood pressure high and wants to burst forth from my ears - I can feel it.   

I have been invited to a 3-day binge event - well that wasn't how the invite was extended but it involves those with whom I was drinking last night and I know exactly how it is likely to pan out and I just have a feeling that going away with them for a long weekend house party that involves so much drinking, ultimately wouldn't be enjoyable, or at worst, I might not recover from it. 

I have NO willpower.  I have NO off-switch.  I have NO bloody sense.  I have NO control.  Not as bad as when Britney went off the rails a few years ago and kept going our on boozing sessions in short skirts and no knickers, but the potential for trouble is at ....           DEF CON 1

I think I will have to be honest with mien host and decline the fun and frolics. 

My head is still thumping and not in a good 'Bambi & Thumper' way.... ahhhh.  I might now have to consider consuming sugar in the form of a picnic bar.  This is the other problem with recovery, I would never normally consider such unhealthy snacks but so far today I have had a good start, fresh fruit & plain organic yoghurt but the train journey in was pretty horrible and claustrophobic and so at the station is was a hot spinach and ricotta roll, a (free) tall Signature Hot Choc and then the herb covered hot chips and now a caramelised onion & gruyere tart - so far I am resisting the chocolate bar. - talk about 'middle class' recovery food, I never was one for a greasy spoon fry up and tea in a chipped mug.  I used to get hangover cravings for very cold diet Coke back in the day but I think it was usually a Sunday lunch time meal in a pub or hours of toast & Marmite. But of course this all adds up to calories and FAT.

I am now over 12 stone and at somewhat of a short-arse, so is just not sustainable! 

The benefits of drinking: social glue; the lovely detached feeling from reality; alter-ego; lovely taste (if the wine is half way decent!); fun and good times. 

A day without wine is like a day without sunshine

The downside of drinking: overindulgence leading to - feeling hideous; guilt; binging leading to fat; high blood-pressure; liver disease; obesity; diabetes; accidents; injuries; dangerous situations; talking bollocks; being a nuisance; a bore; a tedious twat. 

Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but the brain 

ALWAYS DO SOBER WHAT YOU SAID YOU'D DO WHEN YOU WERE DRUNK, THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHOUT

AVOID USING CIGARETTES, ALCOHOL & DRUGS AS ALTERNATIVES TO BEING AN INTERESTING PERSON

HERE IS TO ALCOHOL: THE CAUSE OF, AND ANSWER TO, ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS

REMEMBER

In the future I will consider them as people I once knew ...

Friends, mates, muckers, pals, buddies, acquaintances, people I once knew (or just saw a lot in job/s, in my hood, just bumped into a lot going about the week's routine).  What constitutes a friend?  Lately I have been wondering if I should be more discerning, the old quality over quantity thing AND CULL?

However some 'friends' bombard me with those emails reminding me of the value of friendship.  The image below is not an excerpt from any of those rather it illustrations the fact that I currently find myself on the horns of a dilemma. 

Being in a new city, job etc it has been felt necessary over the past few years to 'make [new] friends'.  It is part of the requirement, how could I possibly do without them.  I still try to maintain my old friendships through emails, postcards, birthday/Christmas cards the odd Skype call but it does feel a little one-sided on occasion.  Is it the responsibility of the person who has left the routine, the safe circle of friendship, to keep these fires burning?  I guess it is only natural to keep up close contact so soon after leaving and before a new life and routine is established but I am not sure why the compulsion is so strong.  Also so many so called experts on quality longevity go on and on about the importance of human relationships and indeed the value of  making continuous connections.  But at the moment I am just not feeling it, in fact it has been a long time coming but for many and various reasons I am emotionally disengaging.  In a nutshell many of my so called 'mates' are just pissing me off.

I guess it all goes back to ego and the perceived need to be liked and so by extension have to prove it by having such a large number of friends - along a sliding scale of importance of course - yes it goes back to the ego and the dynamics of the primary school playground.   I see so much evidence around me especially in the new social media sphere.  We are no longer content to have 2-10 good pals that we variously go out with or call, write to etc.  Now we must have literally hundreds least we be classified as a 'loser'.  A terrible Americanism but the sentiment is universal.  I must have strong ego, although I am unaware of a way to measure it, but reflecting upon it, it is like having a gang when you are very young.  It validates you and I am not sure how that starts.  But however it started, I should by now have grown up, got over it and ceased to need the gush of (often disingenuous and insincere) 'mates' to make me feel like an OK person.  And do I really care anyway?  That is the tough call. 
I was out tonight with a mate, Tonya, whilst we were walking to our place of chosen entertainment, I heard a busker say very clearly (perhaps not to me directly but nonetheless it struck a cord) "...the power of attraction, you attract like to like..."  I have to say in that moment I knew that I didn't really want to be spending time with Tonya, I just felt obliged and we have one thing in common, so she is the mate that shares my enjoyment of comedy shows.  Is it just that I am using her, do I really enjoy her company.  Do I just see her to add her to my list of 'mates' to enjoy the gossipy, soap opera nature of her life dramas?  I accuse himself of being a voyeur the way he pours over Facebook, but although I am doing it in 'real-time', does it amount to the same thing/vice?

I feel a list coming on:

Tonya - self-obsessed, greedy, drama queen, eats like a pig, materialistic, selfish, a generous entertainer

Lisa - marter, talks up her past careers and lifestyle  - been there, done that , got the T-shirt, hypocondriac, good strategic networker, dynamic an amazing survivor but an A1 bullshitter - which insults her mate's intelligence

Sharon - selfish, good fun, childish, superior, emotionally stunted by family circumstances (a great case for a psycho-analysist), catholic ingrained guilt, kind to strangers and those in need, could be a great leader, emotionally needy, makes my dependence on red wine seem like I am just not trying.

Mary - it really is all about her, her, her - but I think she is 'mindful' of that and tries to do better but just can't fight who she really is.  Good person but has the 'Marilyn Monroe' complex, just has to be desired and put on a pedestal at all times otherwise life is perceived as bearly worth living.  A material girl but also extremely capable, warm and generous/matenal person, good company - as long as you mostly talk about HER and she is showered with accolades.

If that busker was right, I am in real trouble!

I love them really......